Greetings, Earthlings
January 7th, 2011

Greetings, Earthlings

Oh my, here’s another comic with a higher kinkiness level than usual. Hopefully you’ll be both aroused AND amused by this one. Oh, and maybe one day I will reach the elusive NSFW plateau… ah, one can dream…

Edit: Special greetings also go out to any new readers coming from SMBC today! Feel free to stick around, subscribe to the RSS feed for comic updates and/or follow me on Twitter for other nonsense.


  1. speearr

    Alrite, you win. =)

  2. PTTG

    Why are they shocked if they aren’t wearing pants?

  3. Chris W.

    Well, they must have a fun time… uh.. y’know…


  4. Rhythmic

    “Why are they shocked if they aren’t wearing pants?”

    Shocked to see that humans have two hands each ?

  5. Yacine

    “Dude, I’m totally gonna shake that alien’s hand. ALL. NIGHT. LONG. Aww yeah.”
    “Whoa, that alien is well-hand!”
    “I went all the way with the alien yesterday and let me tell you, it was the worst hand-job ever!”

    Rhythmic, you’ll notice that while they’re not wearing pants, they definitely are wearing space suits. Only their upper four tentacles are protruding from the suits. But I’m assuming, based on their reaction, that none of those four tentacles are reproductive organs.

  6. Harulth

    I wonder what they’d think of high five-ing

  7. vadakkus

    ROFL!! I am so subscribing to your blog. :)

  8. Kim

    @PTTG It could possibly be the fact that the human hands are not covered up and of course which direction they are pointing!

  9. Don

    Ha! Awesome, this… One does wonder what the world would look like if your hands were the sensitive organ to cover up in public! Also: those are some mighty tight pants on the aliens! Imagine how uncomfortable this would be on a human…

  10. Magne

    As we say in Norway: Råbra!!!

  11. Tom Andersen

    Big lolz. Best one in quite a while. Simple, straight to the point and very effective. Me like. :D

  12. trivial

    genial, I like it

  13. Danny in Canada

    Took me a moment to look at the aliens’ crotches.

    (it’s ‘elusive’; ‘illusive’ is another word entirely)

  14. mrpeach32

    I wonder if you can give aliens.. the clap!

  15. Kristian

    Thanks, everyone! I’m glad you liked this one, as I found it quite hilarious when I first thought of it, but I wasn’t quite sure if any funnyness would translate properly into a comic. Also, some additional “making of” trivia about this strip: It has actually been two years since I first wrote down the initial idea, and only recently did I figure out this alternate way to present it. Two years for a penis joke… yeah…

    Oh, and Kim nails it; the implied erectile aspect here is definitely meant to be the biggest reason for their expression in the last panel. Without it, the joke would be rather limp in comparison. (Hey-O!)

    @Danny: Ah, thanks for that – fixed now. I think I actually had the Illusive Man from Mass Effect 2 in mind when I typed that sentence.

  16. danineteen

    Nice one! I didn’t even think of the fact that the [human’s] hands were *up*. (*snickers*)

  17. moorsyjam

    You, sir, have a new avid reader/watcher/something.

  18. Otter

    New comic. Yay :D
    Hey, thought you should know that Zack from SMBC mentions you here under the comic:

  19. Tweets that mention Optipess » Archive » Greetings, Earthlings --

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Zach Weiner, Fly You Fools Comics, urban bohemian, Kristian Nygård, Amadeu K. and others. Amadeu K. said: : Greetings, Earthlings […]

  20. Turbo Sloth

    Yeah congrats on getting the mention from SMBC, I always thought Optipess comic should be way more well-known as it’s the most creative and hilarious comic that I read!

  21. adrian

    trivial, don’t you mean

  22. MaxArt

    I’ve just discovered this webcomic through a link on SMBC. Read it whole in a couple of hours!
    I was just looking for something similar to PBF in irony and style, and then I found this. Thanks man, go on like this! :D

    P.S.: now I’m looking for a comic like Beaver and Steve…

  23. AK

    They probably procreate by fisting.

  24. Mr. Fragmatic

    Just went through all your comics and all i can say is, great work, keep it up!
    By the way, i´ve been wandering for some time whether aliens would find our way of reproduction repulsing. You know, the “people growing inside other people” thing…

  25. Mr. Fragmatic


  26. Woofy

    I bet that’s one planet that has a lot of fun shaking hands.

  27. Micke

    Guess you could say that the humans are pretty well hung in comparison.
    Snyggt jobbat!! (Ny läsare)

  28. MrTT

    humans… have TWO!

  29. ebin

    funny .. but why are they surprised??

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